Doomlund admits to being a sucker for movies. But not just any type…
Sometimes when you’re at the movies, you leave the theater with a feeling of having discovered something new. A really good, well-written and well-produced movie can make you look at the world differently. It has the power to make you reexamine your life and your choices. Think about your fellow man or even the well-being of mother earth. From time to time it may even change you fundamentally and for good.
As in my case, however, it might also bore you so hard that you seriously contemplate choking yourself on popcorn within the first five minutes.
I hate serious movies. The movie-format is a stupid medium with a stupid demographics and an even more stupid output. If you want contemplation, existential problems and ultimate enlightenment, read a damn book! However, if you can accept the movie-medium for what it really is – a retarded cousin of the performing arts – then we’re on the same page.
Doomlund’s biggest heroes are Ernest Hemingway and Leatherface
I love hack ‘n’ slash and blood ‘n’ gore! The more guts that are spilled the happier I am. Why? It’s very simple actually. Slasher-flicks fulfill a primeval desire in us to witness the destruction of our own species. A fascination of and drive towards – yes, you’ve guessed it – death. Man is a stupid creature with stupid delights so this can hardly come as a shock to anyone.
A couple of days ago I saw a flick that met those exact requirements – and thrilled me beyond belief. It’s called “30 Days of Night” and it features vampires and Josh Hartnett. Now, I usually hate both (vampires because they’re always portrayed as gothy, Tim Burton-like wusses and Josh Hartnett… Well, that really goes without saying), but in this movie it all worked out for the better. The vampires were tough as nails, face-deformed-like-freaky-mongoloids russian type guys with blacked-out eyes, animalistic demeanors and razor-teeth. They we’re totally on top of everything – slaughtering an entire Alskan village during a winter black-out where the sun is absent for a month (and that’s the entire plot-line right there). Josh Hartnett leads a small group of survivors as they struggle to wait out the darkness and thus escape when daylight returns. Fortunately the vampires succeed in butchering most of them, so only a couple of clueless idiots survive. The beauty is that Josh Hartnett isn’t one of them.
Retarded vampires rule!
I really liked “30 Days of Night” and here’s why: This movie doesn’t pretend that it’s better than me. It’s not up it’s own ass with messages, and instead of trying to have a point beyond showing in impressive graphics how you decapitate people with a rusty axe, it admits to being a total whopper of a brain-drain (Josh Hartnett couldn’t be deep if his life depended on it). This movie is the quintessential movie because it fits the medium so brilliantly. If Hollywood would make it over and over again and just change the scenery and cast a little we wouldn’t need any other movie.
In conclusion: Thumbs up to Russo-Alaskan mongoloid vampires and Josh Hartnett’s pitiful acting skills. “30 Days of Night” is an adaption of a graphic novel by same title written by Steve Niles and illustrated by Ben Templesmith. It’s good stuff and comes highly recommended.
I also saw another movie the other day, called Indiana Jones and the something something. Here’s a list of things that I found amusing about it:
Sincerely, waiting for you by the popcorn-vendor,
TD.
